The Buzz-Saw

There are many libraries in the "theater of the mind" and all are multi-functional. It's good for me to remember that my mind is beautifully organized because most of the time I feel just the opposite. Today is one of those days!

Before I even begin journaling, I'm reminded that sensations of disorder often follow times of great stress or tension and I've certainly experienced that over the last week. Still cleaning up after the electrical fire. Waiting for the building inspector to hopefully close this door. The electrician gave me a magnet reminder to stick on the refrigerator. Not a good idea to keep this in the front of my mind. Besides, who could ever forget the name Mr. Sparky or the jingle that plays on their phone line.

My mind is just leaving the anxiety-mode. Sensing the tension remaining in my body. Like buzz-saws. I've decided to utilize the sensations for going deeper. This is a technique for managing pain, so I'll look at the buzz-saws as a pain sensation, going deeper down as my mind locates the sawing sensations. Starting at the top of the head, scanning down, just like a hand scanner for airport security. I'm stunned at the amount and intensity of the buzzing. This sort of meditative body opening is very powerful and revealing. My shoulders reveal super-sonic buzzing. Of course, so much weight placed on them over the last week. Forgetting how vulnerable the body can be to high stress, and how out of touch one becomes when the stress experiences push themselves to the front of the line. Reminds me of people in the supermarket who would run you over with their carts in order to be first....especially in the bakery.

Thoughts are racing, arguing with the buzz-saw, demanding to be noticed. I observe them passing through my consciousness, as I travel deeper down, like swimming underneath them. Noticing them on the surface of the water, but not caring about their presence. Simply allowing mySelf to go deeper down. When my attention is brought up to the surface, I simply notice and respond by going deeper down. Meditating through mind and body clutter.

Feeling better now. Leveling off. Ready to greet my inner mentors and Universal Mind. While they are always present, it's often difficult to communicate through all of the obstructions brought about by stressors, both big and small. I often forget to notice what's flowing through mySelf and this experience serves as another reminder to stay connected.

The buzz-saw now presents itself to me, asking to be utilized for something useful. This is an example of "transmutation" or changing something into something else. In the body, it represented locked-up stress and now outside my body, it represents a useful tool. I'm understanding that I do have paths in my subconscious mind that have not been tended to over the years. They are over-grown with weeds, brambles and debris. I'm led to one of them, not even knowing where it leads. I'm reminded of how clutter blocks many things in life and how good it feels to get rid of things that often stuff closets, drawers, cupboards, to name a few. Paradoxically, clutter can take over all areas of life without even being noticed. Ask any hoarder...

I'm now wondering how many paths are blocked with over-growth and what lies beyond. My childSelf has appeared, demanding that I leave them alone. Obviously frightened, even though she maintains that she knows nothing about these. Fear of the unknown. Another childhood issue that needs to be put to rest. I'm reminded that the best way to achieve this is to go forward. The buzz-saw buzzes in response. I'll start with what is in front of me and take it from there. The brambles, vines, weeds respond to the buzz, removing themselves with little effort. Reminds me of cleaning out the garage. Items wanting to be released by donation or going to the trash. Realizing that my mind was doing the blocking and not the stuff.

The path bricks are revealed. While a bit dingy, it's clear to me that they are golden or goal-den says the journal. I can now notice a sign directing the way. This path leads to the Library of Desires and Talents. Oh, it's been a long time since I thought about any of this. My life has been so encapsulated around my work, home, relationships and daily rituals. In a way, my life has become tiresome in it's sameness. It's not that I don't enjoy my life, but every room can benefit from a fresh coat of paint.

I'm entering the Library and have decided to spend some time here. I think this is "just what the doctor ordered." Fresh paint...fresh insights into those parts of my life experience that have been ignored. I'm heading for the early years and can sense the idea of fun and games entering my body. Glad that I released the buzzing, so now I have room for taking in the joy that I know is located here. Skating, hop-scotch, my blue bike, clarinet and my kick ball are against the wall. Just like new. Just like "knew."