Releasing the Up-Tight Self

Relaxing deeply into the moment now. Fingers not touching the computer keys. Eyes closed gently and slightly turned up. Entering the subconscious mind via the spiral staircase, the suggestion of the childPart. Most likely this also has a meaning, so I'll remember to ask. Going down, down and further down. Eyes opening, fingers working independently from my mind. Questions appearing as if being asked by themselves...

Down the spiral staircase...one foot before the next....paying careful attention to the placement of my feet. I've never been keen on spiral staircases & wondering why the child part of me chose this way of getting to where we need to go. Since I'm working with "right brain or automatic writing", I can hear the child explaining this to me, even before my fingers type out the question.

" I have to go slowly because of my leg braces. You always go everywhere so fast. I never get to see anything."

Critique accepted. Yes, she's absolutely right. This is an important reminder for me. Take more time while enjoying the moments. Life is not a marathon event. This is a habitual way of being for me, so I'm asking my subconscious mind to awaken me.

I'm being asked to clarify this. On a scale of 1-10? "Please wake me at level 5." It's easier to change something BEFORE it gets too big and over-whelming. In nursing these are known as the "prodromals" or behaviors that "come before." Obviously, it would be a nuisance if I'm continually aware of how fast I'm moving along in my day. To my mind, level 5 is where I'm placing my foot on the gas.

I have some idea about the child's leg braces. I've worked with this image in my original inner work. Thought that was over. The braces are old-fashioned, buckles covered in rust. Again, thought this was over. Wondering, "Are old issues every over? Are we just collectors of "issues", cramming them in the closets of our mind, never to be free?" This is not a happy thought, but I'm reminded that thoughts and emotions have their own purpose, so perhaps this is a good thing? I'll have to ask.

Once in the mind and in front of those that share my automatic journaling, there is no need to ask, for the question is already being answered. Once something is noticed, then it is explored and tended to. Rather like "automatic gardening." Weeds notice...weeds gone, but in this instance, a special learning or healing takes place.

I'm asked a question. "What are the braces telling you?" Perplexed. "Go over and help the child to remove them. The braces are wise. They have been holding the child upright."

As I maneuver the buckles, trying to get them to open, I notice the rust has come off on my hands, forming words. "Happiness, joy, love, compassion, forgiveness....freedom." Seeing "freedom" brings tears to my eyes. Why hasn't the child been free? Did I place the braces on her legs? Am I responsible for keeping her from running and playing, experiencing the joy of life? I respect freedom so much, this idea of being responsible for this is pouring guilt over my being. And, what's with the sweater, hat and scarf? "When one can not experience happiness, joy, compassion, forgiveness and love, one is often cold."

The words in my journal ask me to relax and release. "You know not what you do and so guilt serves no purpose here. Now you are aware and in charge of keeping the child free to explore life wearing happiness, joy and love. She forgives and has compassion for what happened in the past. Now, you can forgive as well, for those who originally placed the encumbrances on the child did not know what they were doing, just like you." An image of my mother, father, brothers, aunt and grandmother present themselves. I draw a forgiveness heart on the page of my journal, observing as it is transferred to my family images.

A noise interrupts. The child is laughing. Chasing a butterfly down the path, winter clothing and braces no where to be seen.